Thursday, May 04, 2006
Sleep
I'm getting emails from the Sleep Lady.
Perhaps she senses that there's change afoot in our house, or perhaps I somehow got onto her mailing list while perusing various ways to increase the number of hours we get bonafide zs each night. It's also possible that my husband secretly submitted my email address. Hmmm...
For $125 an hour, her website says, the Sleep Lady will consult with me via telephone to sort out my 3-year-old's sleep "issues." Don't worry, it cautions, the Sleep Lady will not, a la Ferber, tell me to let my toddler "scream it out." Instead, the Sleep Lady will train me as a "sleep coach," and her website is full of success stories.
I first became aware of the parental sleep debate after I had daughter #1. From her first night onward, I wanted her in bed with me. I didn't plan it that way -- in fact, that first evening in the hospital I remember worrying that it wasn't safe and trying to stay awake so that one of the nurses wouldn't come in and scold me for not putting her back in the bassinett (actually, one may have). But I wanted to hold her and feel her against me and know she was breathing. It was purely instinctual and the only thing that felt right.
My husband was supportive, especially when he learned that we wouldn't have to get up at night (or, wake up, even) if she could nurse lying down. So for the short-term, I think we both got more sleep in our Family Bed than friends who made a trip to the nursery every two hours. As the months (OK, years) passed, though, the nursing continued, and as my healthy daughter grew, we seemed to sleep less and less. My sister had the same struggles and tried Ferber (who in all fairness doesn't really advise letting them scream it out), but in the end didn't seem to have any more success than I.
So now that child is nine years old and sleeping through the night in her own bed. But child #2 is following in her sister's footsteps. She's down to just nighttime nursing, but my husband started getting up and sleeping in the toddler's bed because the more she grows, the more she kicks. I, too, find that as much as I love snuggling up to that warm little body, the 4-5 a.m. nursing sessions are getting a bit, well, tiresome. So, we've started putting the 3-year-old to sleep in her very own bed. We've met with a bit of resistance, and she still comes into our room sometime after midnight each night, but we at least get our bed (and my breasts) to ourselves for several hours in the evening. That's on the nights when I don't fall asleep in the toddler's bed with her.
I don't think I'll be calling the Sleep Lady, although I can definitely empathize with those who do. I think I know what she would say. I expect she would tell me that I've got to be more consistent, and that it's my actions and needs that have prolonged my child's sleep "issues." She'd probably remind me that it doesn't hurt the child to sleep alone in her room, and that there are plenty of ways to let her know she is loved and safe. She'd be right, of course.
But somehow, and I know this sounds nuts, somehow that seems like cheating to me. These days are so short -- in the blink of an eye, she'll be sleeping through the night and impossible to wake in the morning like her sister. I'm not sure there is supposed to be a magic cure for this; instead, I think I'm just going to keep listening for those little feet padding in footy pajamas down the hall to my room each night and savor the feeling of that warm little body climbing up to snuggle next to me for a little while longer.
Perhaps she senses that there's change afoot in our house, or perhaps I somehow got onto her mailing list while perusing various ways to increase the number of hours we get bonafide zs each night. It's also possible that my husband secretly submitted my email address. Hmmm...
For $125 an hour, her website says, the Sleep Lady will consult with me via telephone to sort out my 3-year-old's sleep "issues." Don't worry, it cautions, the Sleep Lady will not, a la Ferber, tell me to let my toddler "scream it out." Instead, the Sleep Lady will train me as a "sleep coach," and her website is full of success stories.
I first became aware of the parental sleep debate after I had daughter #1. From her first night onward, I wanted her in bed with me. I didn't plan it that way -- in fact, that first evening in the hospital I remember worrying that it wasn't safe and trying to stay awake so that one of the nurses wouldn't come in and scold me for not putting her back in the bassinett (actually, one may have). But I wanted to hold her and feel her against me and know she was breathing. It was purely instinctual and the only thing that felt right.
My husband was supportive, especially when he learned that we wouldn't have to get up at night (or, wake up, even) if she could nurse lying down. So for the short-term, I think we both got more sleep in our Family Bed than friends who made a trip to the nursery every two hours. As the months (OK, years) passed, though, the nursing continued, and as my healthy daughter grew, we seemed to sleep less and less. My sister had the same struggles and tried Ferber (who in all fairness doesn't really advise letting them scream it out), but in the end didn't seem to have any more success than I.
So now that child is nine years old and sleeping through the night in her own bed. But child #2 is following in her sister's footsteps. She's down to just nighttime nursing, but my husband started getting up and sleeping in the toddler's bed because the more she grows, the more she kicks. I, too, find that as much as I love snuggling up to that warm little body, the 4-5 a.m. nursing sessions are getting a bit, well, tiresome. So, we've started putting the 3-year-old to sleep in her very own bed. We've met with a bit of resistance, and she still comes into our room sometime after midnight each night, but we at least get our bed (and my breasts) to ourselves for several hours in the evening. That's on the nights when I don't fall asleep in the toddler's bed with her.
I don't think I'll be calling the Sleep Lady, although I can definitely empathize with those who do. I think I know what she would say. I expect she would tell me that I've got to be more consistent, and that it's my actions and needs that have prolonged my child's sleep "issues." She'd probably remind me that it doesn't hurt the child to sleep alone in her room, and that there are plenty of ways to let her know she is loved and safe. She'd be right, of course.
But somehow, and I know this sounds nuts, somehow that seems like cheating to me. These days are so short -- in the blink of an eye, she'll be sleeping through the night and impossible to wake in the morning like her sister. I'm not sure there is supposed to be a magic cure for this; instead, I think I'm just going to keep listening for those little feet padding in footy pajamas down the hall to my room each night and savor the feeling of that warm little body climbing up to snuggle next to me for a little while longer.
